12.14.2021

My mom is now gone. Mila is gone. And a tangled knotted web of emotions of pain, confusion and relief separates me from my life. I feel alone. I sit on my sofa, close my eyes and imagine my mother and my daughter right beside me. I reach my hand out and rub Mila's leg. I feel her warmth. I hear my mom's laughter. And I hear her voice telling me that life isn't easy, it isn't fair, but no one promised us it would be. I hear her reminding me how much I have to be grateful for... for my children, my family, my friends, my health and my mind, my adventures and experiences, my love, my sense of purpose in life. And for everything I have today. I see her wink at me the way she’s done since I was little, and hear her tell me it's ok, don't dwell on the past, you and Azlan have a life ahead of you! I open my eyes to an empty sofa and return to my life's delicate balance of grief and joy.